The link between narcissism and bullying

Although the association between narcissism and bullying has not been fully investigated yet, it has been found that narcissistic individuals often resort to bullying behavior.

A few years ago, I suffered extreme workplace bullying at the hands of my HR manager. At the time, I couldn’t understand my perpetrator’s motivations. His behavior made no sense to me.

It was only later that I came to understand that it was all about his own insecurities and had little to do with me. Mostly, he was threatened by my successes in the workplace, which undermined his power position.

What’s interesting is that much later, while learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I discovered he showed all the personality traits associated with the diagnostic criteria:

• A pattern of grandiosity and self-importance.
• An acute need to be admired.
• An absence of empathy.
• The dismissing and devaluing of others’ achievements.
• Boastful pretension
• Angry reactions to criticism.
• Inflating of accomplishments.
• A desperate need for attention.
• Fragile self-esteem.

Amazingly, my bully ticked every box and may have added some of his own. What stood out for me most was the ‘absence of empathy’.

He wasn’t so much unaware of the incredible hurt he was causing—he just didn’t care. There was zero emotional intelligence.

He may have even deluded himself into believing that his my-way-or-the-highway approach was ‘strong leadership’. In fact, his behavior created a toxic environment, reduced productivity and sent employee morale and emotional health plummeting.

He was living proof that a single intimidating presence can poison the climate of an entire workforce, especially when supervisors fail to take immediate and appropriate action to stamp out unacceptable behaviours.

Bystanders come in two categories–harmful bystander and helpful bystanders.

How to be a helpful BYSTANDER in bullying situations:

• Make it clear to your co-workers that you won’t participate in bullying behaviours.
• Never stand by, watch and do nothing. Ask yourself, “what if it was me?”
• Never encourage bullying behaviour—this makes you a co-bully
• Report bullying incidents to management ASAP. Waiting doesn’t help anyone but the bully.
• If the bullying is so serious that you feel the victim’s life or personal safety is in danger, report it to the police.
• Never respond to messages, emails or photos that might be upsetting or offensive. This includes ‘liking’ or sharing a social media post that denigrates a co-worker.
• Don’t spread office gossip. For some, this is like suggesting ‘don’t breathe’ because the habit is so second-nature. But spreading rumours, half-truths and ‘juicy drama’ around an office is a type of bullying no less harmful than standing over someone’s desk and yelling in their face.
• Do everything you can to support a bullying target in asking for help or reporting the incident(s).
• When assisting a victim in reporting a bullying incident, remember that well-documented facts trump emotion and opinion every time.

Which type of bystander will you be?